Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
