My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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