Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
