You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
