nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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