Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
