uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
bring money and cleavage
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
