Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
