I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
