Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
