just come out here and I will go home with you...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
