I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
