The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
