The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
