Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Randomize
