Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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