How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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