Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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