i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
