I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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