how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
