They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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