This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize