I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Acid is not a monday night drug
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
