Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
