im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
