you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
