So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
