I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
