trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
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