I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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