just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
