My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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