It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
