i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
You left your phone here
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