i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
