She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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