now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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