Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize