Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Randomize
