I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
