he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I believe in your delicious
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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