I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
