Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
