I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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