oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize