Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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