never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
