hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
