feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
