It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We need to get me chipped asap
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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