He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
