Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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