Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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