there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
