Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
