me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
