She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
