Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
