dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
