i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
