she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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