I'm so fucking centered right now
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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