Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize