so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
