I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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