I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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