i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize