Christians are straight up FREAKS
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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