First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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