Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
