Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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